Every manager faces this moment: you need to address a performance problem with an employee, but you’re dreading the conversation. Maybe they’re a long-term employee whose performance has declined, or perhaps a newer hire isn’t meeting expectations. Regardless of the situation, avoiding difficult conversations only makes problems worse and puts your business at risk.
Why Managers Avoid Performance Conversations
It’s natural to want to avoid uncomfortable situations. Common reasons managers delay performance discussions include:
- Fear of conflict and emotional reactions
- Uncertainty about what to say or how to structure the conversation
- Concern about legal implications if the conversation goes poorly
- Hope that the problem will resolve itself without intervention
- Lack of documentation to support their concerns
- Previous negative experiences with similar conversations
However, postponing these discussions creates bigger problems. Performance issues rarely improve without intervention, and delayed action can lead to team resentment, decreased productivity, and potential legal complications if termination becomes necessary.
The Framework for Effective Performance Conversations
Prepare Thoroughly Before the Meeting
Success starts with preparation. Gather specific examples of performance issues, including dates, situations, and impacts on the business or team. Review the employee’s job description, previous performance reviews, and any relevant company policies.
Avoid vague complaints like “attitude problems” or “not being a team player.” Instead, focus on observable behaviors and measurable outcomes. For example, “missed three project deadlines in the past month” or “received customer complaints about response time on four occasions.”
Choose the Right Setting and Timing
Schedule the conversation for a private location where you won’t be interrupted. Avoid Fridays or right before holidays when emotions may be heightened. Give yourself adequate time—rushing through a performance conversation sends the wrong message and often leads to incomplete discussions.
Start with Clear Intent
Begin the conversation by stating its purpose clearly and directly. For example: “I’ve scheduled this meeting to discuss some concerns about your recent performance and work together on an improvement plan.”
This approach eliminates confusion and helps the employee understand the seriousness of the situation while positioning the conversation as collaborative rather than punitive.
The GROW Model for Performance Discussions
Goal: Define What Success Looks Like
Clearly articulate your expectations and the specific improvements needed. Be concrete about standards, deadlines, and measurable outcomes. Instead of saying “improve your attitude,” explain “I need you to respond to customer emails within four hours and maintain a professional tone in all communications.”
Reality: Address the Current Situation
Present the facts objectively, focusing on behaviors and results rather than personality traits. Use the specific examples you prepared, and allow the employee to share their perspective. Listen actively—there may be circumstances you’re unaware of that are contributing to the performance issues.
Options: Explore Solutions Together
Work collaboratively to identify potential solutions and improvements. Ask questions like “What do you think would help you meet these deadlines?” or “What obstacles are preventing you from achieving these goals?” This approach increases buy-in and helps identify practical solutions.
Way Forward: Create an Action Plan
Develop a clear improvement plan with specific goals, timelines, and checkpoints. Document what support you’ll provide, what resources are available, and how progress will be measured. Set dates for follow-up meetings to review progress.
Handling Different Types of Performance Issues
Skill-Based Problems
When an employee lacks necessary skills, focus on training and development opportunities. Create a learning plan with specific milestones and provide appropriate resources. Consider mentoring, additional training, or modified responsibilities while skills develop.
Motivation or Engagement Issues
These conversations require deeper exploration of underlying causes. Ask about workload, career goals, work environment concerns, or personal challenges that might be affecting performance. Sometimes simple adjustments can dramatically improve engagement.
Behavioral Problems
Address behavioral issues quickly and directly. Explain the specific behaviors that need to change, the impact on the team or customers, and the consequences of continued problems. Reference company policies and ensure the employee understands expectations.
Attendance and Punctuality
Document patterns of attendance issues and address them promptly. Discuss the impact on team productivity and customer service. Be aware of potential FMLA or ADA implications if health issues may be involved.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
The “Compliment Sandwich”
Starting with praise, delivering criticism, then ending with more praise often confuses the message. Employees may focus on the positive comments and miss the serious nature of performance concerns.
Being Too Vague
Phrases like “you need to improve” or “do better” don’t provide actionable guidance. Be specific about what needs to change and how success will be measured.
Making it Personal
Focus on behaviors and results, not personality traits or character judgments. Avoid words like “always” or “never,” which can trigger defensive responses.
Failing to Document
Always document performance conversations, including what was discussed, agreements reached, and follow-up plans. This documentation protects both you and the employee and provides continuity if issues continue.
Managing Emotional Reactions
When Employees Become Defensive
Remain calm and acknowledge their feelings while redirecting to facts. You might say, “I understand this is difficult to hear. Let’s focus on specific examples and how we can work together to improve the situation.”
When Emotions Run High
If an employee becomes very upset, consider taking a brief break. Offer tissues, water, or a few minutes to compose themselves. Remember that emotional reactions are often signs that the feedback is being heard.
When Employees Disagree
Listen to their perspective and acknowledge valid points while maintaining your position on performance standards. You might say, “I appreciate your viewpoint, and I understand you see the situation differently. However, the expectations remain the same.”
Following Up and Following Through
The conversation is just the beginning. Schedule regular check-ins to review progress and provide ongoing feedback. Recognize improvements when they occur, but also address continued issues promptly.
If improvement doesn’t occur within the agreed timeframe, be prepared to escalate to more serious consequences, including possible termination. Consistency in following through on commitments is crucial for maintaining credibility and legal compliance.
Building a Culture of Continuous Feedback
The best performance conversations are part of an ongoing dialogue, not isolated events. Regular one-on-one meetings, informal check-ins, and immediate feedback create an environment where performance issues can be addressed before they become serious problems.
Encourage a two-way feedback culture where employees feel comfortable discussing challenges, asking for help, and sharing ideas for improvement. This proactive approach prevents many performance issues from escalating to formal disciplinary action.
When to Seek Additional Support
Consider involving HR or seeking external guidance when:
- Performance issues involve potential legal risks
- An employee raises discrimination or harassment concerns
- You’re unsure about company policies or procedures
- Previous attempts at improvement have failed
- The situation involves complex interpersonal dynamics
Key Takeaways
Effective performance conversations require preparation, clear communication, and consistent follow-through. While these discussions may be uncomfortable, they’re essential for maintaining team productivity, ensuring fairness, and protecting your business.
Remember that most employees want to succeed and will respond positively to clear expectations and support. By approaching performance issues with empathy, specificity, and professionalism, you can often turn struggling employees into strong contributors while maintaining team morale and business standards.
The goal isn’t to catch employees failing—it’s to help them succeed while protecting your business and maintaining fairness for all team members.
Need help developing your performance management skills or creating effective improvement plans? Our HR experts can provide training, templates, and ongoing support to help you handle difficult conversations with confidence and compliance.
